Limiting Contact with an Ex After Divorce

For most people, the decision to end a marriage isn’t an easy one. It’s normal to grieve even in cases where one spouse has been unfaithful or dishonest.

The thing is, adjusting to your new normal after divorce isn’t easy either. You suddenly aren’t able to communicate with someone you once thought would be your partner for life. Limiting contact with an ex after divorce can be hard—especially if you have children together.

Here at Bansmer Law, we specialize in guiding men and women through the divorce process and what comes next. That’s why we put together this guide on how to limit contact with an ex after divorce.

While this process can take time, applying our tips can help make communication less painful and stress-inducing for everyone involved.

How Do You Emotionally Detach After Divorce?

The best way to emotionally detach after divorce is with self-reflection, which helps you accept what happened. You should also know that ending any relationship is always going to be a bit difficult. It’s an unavoidable part of the human experience.

Humans are social creatures. Creating bonds and linking up are in our nature. So, it makes sense that emotionally detaching after divorce can be hard. When you accept that you two aren’t right for each other, you can let go and truly detach.

This acceptance also opens you up to the grieving process. In many ways, a divorce takes the same toll as a death. It’s the end of the shared life you’d built with your spouse.

Before you can move forward without any emotional baggage, you need time to grieve. Giving yourself this time and space to heal helps you emotionally detach—for good!

What is the Best Way to Communicate with Your Ex After a Divorce?

The best way to communicate with your ex after a divorce is usually going to be in writing, and only when you feel calm and level-headed.

We understand this might be challenging. You’re both likely to feel emotional and raw in the aftermath. So, it’s no surprise that limiting contact with an ex after divorce is a delicate process.

Doing so is even harder when you have to communicate occasionally, like when you have shared custody. We have 3 tips to help you strike the balance and behave maturely, for yours and your children’s well-being.

1. Opt for Supervised Exchanges

If you two are sharing custody or one of you has visitation rights, the exchange is often an opportunity to argue. But the last thing you want to do is put your children through this drama.

And engaging in these battles can be a detriment to your mental health, too. That’s why it’s worth opting for a monitored or supervised exchange. Basically, an agreed-upon third party (often a family friend, childcare provider, social worker, or relative) handles the exchange or visitation.

Since you and your ex don’t meet face-to-face in this scenario, you won’t have the chance to butt heads. Even better, your child won’t see any arguments or negative behavior from either parent.

2. Don’t Meet Face-to-Face Unless Necessary

Meeting your ex in person is a recipe for potential disaster. The same is true for phone calls. Ideally, all communication between you two should happen in writing—text messages, emails, and messaging apps create a record of your communication.

It means your ex won’t have an opportunity to claim you said or did something in-person that never happened. And if you ever need to revisit your custody arrangement, you’ve already got a paper trail to support your request.

That said, we understand meeting face-to-face or speaking via phone is sometimes unavoidable.

In these situations, keep the interaction as brief as you can. Use respectful language and keep the conversation focused on arrangements for your children.

The goal is keeping these conversations as professional and impersonal as you can. Doing so is the best way to preserve everyone’s happiness and safety.

3. Recognize Your Right to Privacy

Did you know the state of California allows private mediation? This can be one of the best ways to work through your emotions without venting them to your ex or the court.

Our job as your legal team is seeing you through the legal process of divorce. While we’ll always take the time to understand your story and needs, we aren’t counselors. Neither is the judge who will ultimately sign off on your divorce.

But a private mediator’s job is helping you talk through issues, including emotional and personal issues we aren’t equipped to assist with. This can act as a metaphorical life preserver whenever you’re drowning in a sea of thoughts and emotions.

Refrain from venting everything to your ex (who might turn around and tell their lawyer everything).

Instead, talk with your private mediator about what you’re going through. Private mediators are bound to keep all your discussions completely confidential. It’s the best way to protect your privacy from your ex while working through personal issues or emotions.

How Do You Tell Your Ex to Stop Communicating?

The best way to tell your ex to stop communicating is by respectfully setting the boundary and sticking to it. Sometimes, an “I” statement can be more effective than a “you” statement.

For example, “You need to stop calling/texting me because you’re making the divorce harder,” might be seen as accusatory by your ex.

But something like, “I need to heal and move forward from our divorce. It’ll be easier for both of us if we only communicate when necessary for the kids. We should also communicate in writing whenever possible,” avoids the blame game and makes your needs clear.

In many cases, both spouses struggle with limiting contact after divorce. But applying the tips you’ve learned today should help with getting your ex to respect these new boundaries.

Let a Reliable California Divorce Attorney Guide You Through the Process

Getting divorced is hard enough without stressing over what comes next. At Bansmer Law, our legal team has 10+ years of experience helping men and women navigate divorce, custody, child support, and anything else you might need.

You see, having an experienced and reliable California divorce attorney by your side can make all the difference. We pride ourselves on taking the time to hear you out and explain every single one of your options.

We’re open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to help you in any way possible. Ready to learn more and discuss your best path forward? Just call us now at (209) 474-2400 for your consultation.